The Lost Leaf

Life sometimes puts us through such strikingly similar situations, it instantly flashes in the mind that we had been through all this before probably in much better times. One tends to believe that the irony is intended and ask oneself whether everything happens really for a purpose...


'Mein shaayar badnaam' - a classic number, a brilliant rendering by Kishoreda mixed in turbulant ethos. One of my top favorites. Twenty five years ago, on a trip to Matheran, this was the first song I sang to my gang - to our batch of '84 entrants at the Institute of Science, Nagpur. It was the first round for each one of us getting to know the others closely. It was also the first time I was singing in public among friends and I chose this song then because I knew my gang understood music and I was quite confident that I wouldn't mess up much with the singing. I did justice to it with my vocals to my best capacity. I got a smileless serious acknowledgement for my attempt from most along with a few exclamations...There was this guy, Kaushik, who listened intently, hands moving now and then apparently playing the orchestration on his imaginary hawain guitar and triple congo. Long after my rendering he remembered to tell me with raised brows and his classic infectious smile, "acchhi awaz hai teri. Par barik hai (blinks)...is gaane mein awaz bhaari chahiye...aur taal pe chalne ki practice kar...". Sincere piece of advice about rhythm which I resolved to act upon. The voice part - I could not help - that was it and so would it be...it didn't deter me from trying Kishore's numbers thanks to the sheer love for those songs that had always been our favorites. Among other pals who were ardent fans of Kishore and took my singing seriously was Shyam.
For three years after that we often used to pedal our way home on bicycles with Shyaam and Kuashik doing the songs one on my either side, and I lent the listening to my 'stereophonic speakers' as I called them.
Kaushik happened to become one of our best pals whom I admired, like others, for the irresistible charm he bore in spite of all his apparent clumpsy pranks.


Out of college, everyone went his and her own way. I went on with my job in Nagpur but carried my love for music along, mixing it with my inclination to acoustic technology. Small opportunities to the stage kept coming over the years once in a while. I honed my skills at singing a bit over the years, set up a small recording studio at home and went on experimenting with the sound of music.


Twenty five years later, in Jan-10, I along with newer friends had planned to record the same song, 'mein shaayar badnaam'. We had been rehearsing for two days but I had not been able to put 'life' into it... It was 07:30 pm that day when Shyam called from Kuwait. He spoke in a distressed tone "Anna tera ek speaker hameshaa ke liye band ho gaya... Kaushik is no more'....
I missed a beat. It choked. This time I could not take my pal's advice of never missing a beat in the middle of a song... But the show had to go on.


We recorded the song the next day. But this time I had the same anguish inside me as the mood of the song suggested. The lyrics seemed to be so much written for Kaushik! What a vibrant bubbling life and what a dismal end to it! As I did my vocals, my eyes went moist now and then. But the recording came out fairly well. What an irony that twenty-five years later when I planned to give a surprise to Kaushik with the same song launched on the net, Time too decided to have the song dedicated to the musical genius that Kaushik was... posthumously, alas!. The situation tested me like it did twenty five years back.


I have posted the link to the recorded song here for you. As YOU listen and follow the lyrics, it might give a lump in your throat too...you would almost be able to see Kaushik with your inner eyes, looking on from somewhere up there waving goodbye to us with that contagious broad lively smile on his face...


Click here to download 'Mein Shaayar Badnaam'